Psalm 139

So I was doing a google search for a Bible verse that I know I know, but I don't know where it is. And I found it:
Psalm 139:23

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

I love that verse, it's the most vulnerable verse. Search me. I know there are catacombs in my heart that I don't want the Lord to walk through. But then I kept reading and the site had a whole list of versions of the same verse. So a couple versions down was this, from God's Word translation:

Examine me, O God, and know my mind.
Test me, and know my thoughts.

Ooooo my. EXAMINE me. Put me under a microscope and see me, see what I'm about God. Show me what's my fault, show me the burdens I'm wrongly bearing, give me eyes to see where I am not walking with you. King James puts it this way, to "try me, and know my thoughts." Try me, test me, push me, challenge me, examine me, open me up, find me out. So many times have I read this verse and totally skipped over the deep vulnerability that it presents. And I sit here reading it like it's a piece of cake! Heck no I don't want the God of the universe looking at my dirty laundry! I've apparently coerced myself into thinking that I have it under control...because it's microscopic.
"NO. No my dear child, I can see you. I know you, I put you together." He can already see the mold growing on the walls of the catacombs of my heart, this verse is for me. For me to be able to get to the point of complete and total surrender. Reckless abandonment, see me God. It's for my own benefit, not His. He doesn't need my permission. He's already in there repairing the damage. But he wants me to find him on my own. To take Him there myself, so we can repair together.

He's such a genius, he knows us too well.

~Laramie