Oh, Lord how I want this to all make sense!
I think my biggest challenge since moving has been understanding the fact that if I want to follow the Lord with my whole heart, I can't be in control:) Pretty simple, and I'm pretty sure everyone reading this is saying "....duh..." But oh how hard it is when I thought that I had given Him everything! Now that I live here I do understand that other than going to work, nothing is my control. That doesn't mean that I wasn't giving control to the Lord while living in Illinois, but when I'm the one calling all the shots because I'm depending on myself the control appears different. I think that what I had overcome was the repercussions of what has happened to my family. Also a huge thing, but at the same time different than letting go of what God does with my life. So, I regularly freak out when I realize that I'm 20 years old and I haven't started school, gotten a job that puts me on a career path of some kind, or at least a job that helps me be more financially stable. And that's where the Lord is getting me. Because really none of those things matter and if they do I need a severe heart change. He's teaching me mobility: The ability to move when commanded and doing it with a joyful, teachable heart.
As far as Australia goes, it's truly in the Lord's hands. Everything is a good idea, and all things are possible with God. But, as I said before, I don't have control, never did, never should have, and now that I've realized that I think He is putting things in order for me. I've made the mistake of taking the opportunities he gives me and trying to make them work on my own, resulting in me unintentionally trying to fulfill them in the wrong order. God never gives you the full picture, and that's what I've been asking for. Oh, you of little faith! My only desire is to do His Will, but I'm trying to even have control over His desires matching mine! NO! Mine should match his, and that's what he's massaging in my heart right now.
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7.
Relax, Laramie.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.
Lar, let it go.
I'm praying for the desires of my heart, that they would match His, and that the opportunities will arise. That may involve Australia, or it won't. My desire is to do the will of my Father.
~Lar
About Me
- Laramie
- "...His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot."
3 comments:
Ah, Laramie! We're in two different places and taking two different paths, but I feel like we're both in the same spot. Who knows what my life is going to look like in just a few short months, especially when student loans come due! There courses I'd like my life to take and it's a daily process of reminding myself that it's not ultimately my call. Some days it's hard to bear, sometimes it's a weight off.
Hope you're settling in nicely.
Leave it to the English Major to mess up "There are"... *facepalm*
Nathan and I were talking... I said to you "obedience does not equal stress" Nate was shocked! Mom, think about it!! You don't think it stressed Abraham as he prepared Isaac to become a sacrifice? You don't think Moses was stressed when he said, "Why me... I don't speak well!!!" OK.... so let me take that back and say that God stretches us -- and asks us to trust him. He doesn't want us to squirm.. He wants us to rest in His promises. You've written two great ones. I am praying as often as He brings you to mind... which is a lot! I miss you!
jas
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