Excuse me, but that's my car.

I totally forgot to mention this the last time I posted. It's a minor event, really it is--but I think that it was something that the Lord wanted to let happen, because it taught me so, so much.

So two weeks ago this coming Sunday, my car was repossessed. Hello, I didn't realize how attached I was to my car. And I kind of felt like a materialistic little girl when I was bawling as I watched through the window. Let me just say, that as much as I am responsible for my car, I'm also very much so not responsible for my car. To put it in a nutshell it really belonged to my dad, was in his name, all that jazz. But I did pay for it for most of the time I drove it, paid the insurance, so really besides the name on the title, it was mine. After a series of discombobulated events, I had been promised it was taken care of, but then it wasn't, then it was, and to be honest I really don't know where my car really landed as far as payments and paperwork. The responsibility had been lifted off my shoulders from my dad, so I trusted that I would be okay. Dad filed for bankruptcy last year and again, not really sure, my car was supposedly on the list, then not, then it was, who knows. A lot of gray areas here:)

I'm a girl, and I'm very much in my head with my thoughts probably more often than not. And more than I spend time in actual conversations with other people. Sometimes that's good, a lot of times it's bad. But a couple of things going through my head that Sunday night--at 10:30pm--were initial reactions I think anyone would have, but not things to dwell on. "that's my car....I've been driving that since I left home....I drove across the U.S. in that car...that's my car..." Over and over and over. And other thoughts having to do with hurt and abandonment that I'm sure everyone could create on their own were running through my head. I sobbed for a bit, while mom just laid in the bed next to me apologizing. It's got nothing to do with her, but she's a mom:) But the cool thing about all of this, is that it's done. My brother lovingly wrote to me on facebook, referring to a date we were joking about having- "I guess I'll be picking YOU up." Yes Cameron, yes you will. But then he made a pretty deep statement that I hadn't realized yet: "It's the last string attached, gone, that has to feel pretty good." Ha, it's sad, but true. The last string that attaches me to any sort of control that my dad could have over me, or that leaves me being dragged behind him when he can't follow through. Everyone disappoints, I disappoint, it's nothing foreign.

I bought my own car last Thursday, after a few days of stress which caused some cozy mouth ulcers to camp out on my tongue for about a week. Yes, I get those when I'm stressed. But there is something about this car that makes me excited every time I get in. Credit to Julie, she did remind me "it's a new thing!" With God, with me, with life, it's a new thing. My thing, I'm free:) And God totally had me the whole time. There wasn't a single moment in time where he stood where everyone else did, saying "wow I'm sorry, I didn't think they were going to take it tonight..." The even more incredible thing: because of the valleys He has brought me through already, this really was small potatoes in my heart. It was hard, it's a car, and now I'm doing a new thing:)


"Stop trusting in man,
who has but breath in his nostrils.
Of what account is he?"
~Isaiah 2:22

"Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save,
nor his ear too dull to hear."
~ Isaiah 59:1

~ Laramie