The Portion of Jacob

I was reading Jeremiah tonight, it is by far one of my most favored books of the Bible--without a doubt. I feel like so many times I get caught in a 'Jeremiah 1' mindset where I'm too afraid to speak. And God never fails to gently remind me that he will give me the words to say, in fact, He'll put them right into my mouth. Chapter 10, I've never actually read it before, but this piece of scripture made my heart go on a rant about how much I want my God to be so many things in my life.

"He who is the Portion of Jacob is not like these,
for he is the Maker of all things,
including Israel, the tribe of his inheritance--
the Lord Almighty is his name."

Golly. I want to be Jacob! I want God to be my portion. My Portion.

I want Him to be my portion, just like Jacob. I want a fullness after I eat of his bread, his bread that feeds the hunger of a heart so starving that nothing else tastes good.
I want him to be my everything.
the hand I grab when I'm terrified,
the voice I hear when I can't understand,
I want Him to be my secretkeeper
my all-consuming fire
my soul's unfailing lover
my Father, my stronghold.
The only reason why I breathe this dirty, worldly air, because I know what's coming next.
My reason for being, my reason for writing and laughing.
I want him to be my crutch,
my superior.
I want Him to be the one that, when I see him at the end of the road, I run faster than my body can carry me, my soul runs ahead of me.
My Abba, my Addonai.
I want him to be the one to tell me "rest, I've got this," the one who keeps my heart at peace when everything else is falling apart.
I want him to be visible to me as he holds our shredded family.
I want him to be the light, the lighthouse, my source of energy.
Love. I want him to be the love in my life that can't help but pour itself onto other people.
I want him to be my Portion.
What I live on
What I breathe in
What I survive on
What I look for
What I strive for
What I yearn for
What I lay awake at night sleepless for
What I sacrifice my relationships for
What I sacrifice my dreams for
What I sacrifice my life for.
I want Him... to be my Portion.

God. Be my portion.